This is a very personal issue for me right now. And i am seeing it Everywhere I look (indicating to me this needs my attention!) Always priding myself on being a very outwardly strong person that doesnt take any shit, Forgiveness always seemed like a cop out, weak, bloody stupid even? Why would I forgive hurt and betrayal of such magnitude that, in my perception, was unforgivable in the first place? How could I trust that person again? With my feelings, love and loyalty? How can you possibly get over feeling betrayed, hurt & wretched every time you think about a person or situtation? Maybe time?Attempting to block it out, bury it deep? :/
A simple line in an article in Psychology Today about what forgiveness meant explained it to me in a way that resonated deeply ...
'Mustering up Genuine Compassion for those who have wronged us, instead of allowing anger toward them to Eat Away at us…'
First of all, forgiveness doesnt mean condoning or excusing bad behavior. It does not relieve the offender of responsibility for the offense or of accountability for the negative effects of the offense. You do not even need to repair the relationship, if it is done then so be it, but carrying around anger is seriously detrimental to your health!
Eureka! ~ I realised the only person that was hurting was Me!
Only I have the Power to make myself Feel Anything, it is my choice to either stay in anger & resentment or to forgive, heal inside & GROW!
Also the Universal Law of Attraction 'like attracts like' means that if you are concentrating on anger, betrayal, even hatred that is what you will get more of! You have asked for it! How many times have you been stomping round in a mood and then STUB YOUR GODDAMN TOE!!? You did that! You manifested that rage into another hurtful action. Not to mention the physical effects of holding onto grudges does in the long term, it 'literally' eats away at us on the inside! Physically manifesting into very serious medical illnesses & conditions.
And Sincerity is key ~ this is ONLY for your well-being so telling the offender that you 'forgive them' can be quite patronising and even open up more avenues for conflict! And who wants to waste their precious energy on THAT?! After all it is about Healing YOU!
We all have someone to forgive, family, friends, partners, even ex partners. Thanking them for the lesson they have shown you, Forgiving and Moving On with your Life is the healthiest thing you can do for your mind and body.
FREE YOURSELF!! xx